16/02/2014

Sometimes you need to make the tough decisions in your life that you are scared to face. My life recently has exposed some toxic friends and really showing me how little they value or respect our friendship. I'm not a mean person by any means, I am a grumpy one at times I admit but not mean or nasty. I value my friendships and go out of my way to help people. 

The other night I seemd to have a fight with a friend because she couldn't decide on plans. I said don't worry about it as I had been attempting to make plans with her for five hours already. I don't want people to just fit me in. I shouldn't come after everything in your life. If you are too busy or don't know when you are free,  don't make plans with me. It doesn't matter if you want to see me if your not going to follow through. Make plans with me when you are free. Even if I love and adore you it doesn't make it hurt less that I am not important enough to make solid plans with. 

There are other people too who I seem to make a lot of effort for. Not because I feel the need to but because I actually like them and thought we were friends. However when if becomes clear that you wouldn't do something that I wouldn't think twice about for you, that we aren't actually friends. 

My so called friends have started to make me anxious to be around them. I'm not excited to see them anymore. I have become isolated and feel alone in a room full of my 'group'.  I need to get away from them, all of them. It's not good for my mental and psychical health to be around people to treat me like this. 

Rant over. 

I would love them to read this and know that they are hurting me more and more every day. 

02/01/14

So a whole day in the new year has passed. Wow. That went by so fast. The new years eve party was fun but there was also a lot drama. I am over the drama I don't understand and just want everyone to be happto just get along. I don't want back stabbing, gossip and stupidity to ruin friendships that are clearly strong enough to last after high school. I'm glad for some of the friends in my life but then I also think how some of them aren't making me happy anymore. 

I have is many hops and dreams for 2014 since 2013 was a horrible year for me. So I hope to stay inspired and be motivated to change my life. This is. The year I become the woman I have always dreamed of being. The little girl who imagine how life will be when she is in her twenties will be proud of me. Haha 

Xx

Today we had another inspection of our property. I am so looking forward to this place being sold. however I am not looking forward to moving. Most likely I will be going home until we find another place. I want to go home and I don't all at the same time! I just think it will be weird going from looking after myself to not. I would be more bratty I guess if I moved back home. I would have more money though. sigh. I don't know what to do. I think I will look at properties though. 

I also keep putting off writing my essay! gulp! 3000 words and I have done none!

I haven't blogged in a while which is upsetting. I have gotten a new laptop since the last time I blogged it is a Toshiba and I have never had a Toshiba laptop. I have only ever has ASUS so it will be interesting using this laptop. It is also from Costco which means when this one dies I will get a full refund like old ASUS.

I joined Jenny Craig today it will last me up until my trip to China. I am hoping I can stay motivated and lose weight. At the moment I have gained so much weight I want to loose around 30kg just under.

Oh my I have been slack!
Today is Saturday and all that has happened since Wednesday night really is that I have been busy cleaning, working and going to the comedy event.

On Thursday night Brodie and I made a trip down to Monash so that we could support out friend Annie and her stand up comedy at the container festival. She was really funny and I loved it. She interacted with the audience a bit but I didn't get involved as I was self conscious I guess. Then we got to talk to her about life and saw some of her friends. Who actually remembered me from her dinner lol.

On Friday I had my first Wine Class which was lots of fun! I am really looking forward to this subject! I went to Dan Murphy's afterwards and bought three bottles of Mascato  and then kale got a lot of beer. Which was fun we felt cultured hahaha. In all seriousness though I am really looking forward to this subject.

Today Saturday! Not much is happening I thought that I better stay home tonight and study along with working on my Youtube / Blog! They have both been lacking a bit lately (mainly my youtube). So I have lots to do with my night. Kale said he would buy me some lights for my birthday woo!

Today was my first full day of class of semester at Uni. By this I mean lectures and tutorials. I started the day with my Strategic Marketing tutorial and getting lost. I had no idea where I was! I eventually found the room and thankfully my tutor Tanvir was late too. However stupidly enough we didn't make the groups which we were meant to. sigh. After that I had my Managing Multimedia in Business lecture which only went for 20 minutes instead of 50! Which gave me the chance to actually eat. I then Had my very long Strategic marketing lecture which was very boring and long. I do plan to read over the notes for this subject though as it does have an exam and meant be a very had subject.

Now it then comes to the last tutorial of the day or in other words my rant section. My tutor/ lecturer decided to pair strong English people with not as strong people. So I was forced to become a group leader for a group made up of half exchange students who when we were working did nothing at all. Jess and I did everything I do not want to be a group leader when that makes me completely in charge, It is not fair to make Jess and I do all the work. I have been enjoying the subject though and I look forward to actually planning the subject.

I also found out the dates for my China study tour today! the 28th of November to the 13th of December. I will be able to compete at Cheer Nationals and also go to the Taylor Swift concert! Yay! The only issues are I will miss Jade's first birthday and Tara's 21st!

I have my stunt group tonight I am not in the mood at the moment but I am excited to go to practice. I think just because so many people have change in the group it has made me so annoyed and anti the group. Also I have been broke also broke and paying 10 a week is a pain, along with minimum $30 on card drives me insane as I don't carry cash!

I decided to write this today so that I don't forget. lol

Today is my anniversary with Kale. Two years ago today we had our first date! Which is pretty exciting. He has promised me a Tiffany Bracelet which I am looking forward too. I wrote a cute and sweet card for Kale. We started the day with a long sleep in what else is new. We had brunch at Jack and Daisy's which is was really nice. I got the schnitzel roll with chips and Kale got the big burger. The coffee was pretty crap but with sugar it become bearable.

I actually did some studying today which is weird for me! I am trying to be on track it will be interesting to see if I  am. Class tomorrow that I am worried about how much I have and no break lol.

Pom tonight was good we found out we won't be competing at states which kind of sucks. However it makes it more time to make our routine awesome and perfect. I have a part where I have to to the ground which sucks but I am looking forward to having an amazing routine.

After that I had a sweet dinner with Kale. I love him so much and I cherish the time I get to spend with. I have to go now and pay attention to him before I go to sleep.